Stuck… and getting unstuck
It’s April Fools today, but life feels a little too serious for a mock post. Here’s some reality instead.
I thought moving from Blogger to a ‘real’ site would help me feel more motivated and focused. Instead, I feel more stuck than ever– maybe because I’m not sure what the point is anymore.
Maybe I wanted to monetize my blog, make a living from writing whatever I wanted. But when I look at other monetized blogs, they seem like pyramid schemes, selling programs on… well, how to monetize your blog.
Or a course on how to increase your blog readership in just X easy steps (FOR TODAY’S LOW LOW PRICE OF $699! THIS DEAL WON’T LAST FOREVER!). Or an ebook promising the number one secret to making money online. Clearly, the secret is to convince some poor web-surfing sucker that you know the answer to making money online, then sell them stuff. It’s actually pretty genius.
I don’t see myself ever feeling good about doing any of those things. And since my blog’s all, like, grown-up now and stuff, I feel weird just writing about the tidbitty randomness I used to write about. My latest one-off moment I decided is a life metaphor. Another reason why Dan is amazing. How Miss G finally got her learner’s permit. Whatever.
Since we’re approximately 1/4 of the way through my year of foundation, I also feel uber-pressured to figure out just what, exactly, that rock solid launching pad is supposed to look like. Because I still have zero clue.
Out of desperation, I applied for this very cool-looking class called the Obsession Lab. The idea is that you finally commit to carry your vision through to fruition, and the class both supports you and holds you accountable. My application– in a very typical Maarit’s life sort of story– caused the head honcho, Nicole, to email me directly and say “I really love your enthusiasm but… well, this course is really intended for people with a specific goal. Do you have one idea in mind you want to focus on?”
I have like, 86 ideas in mind. And if I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I can’t think of any single reason I wouldn’t chase whatever-it-is down at 180%. So, no Obsession Lab for me.
That sent me into a super unpleasant depression spiral– because, oh my GOD. I am within spitting distance of 40. When the fuck am I going to get it together? I would even take “figure out what I want to do with my life” for 100, Alex.
Then I found this TED talk on doing work you love. And I added my name to a newsletter. And I signed up for a class on finding your passion, the first one that doesn’t feel like a total scam. A first step toward what just might be the actual support + ruthless kick in the ass that I need to get out of my head and make it happen.
What the “it” will be, well, that’s still anyone’s guess.
But I do know that you, my faithful two or three readers, will be hearing about it. So I just wanted to let you know I’m getting unstuck.