Filling Your Niche

Reason, season, lifetime.

You’ve heard the saying to death– something like “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Something you see on schmaltzy greeting cards. Something you roll your eyes at.

Yet no less true for all of that.

This has been on my mind a lot lately as Dan & I come up on our 5-year anniversary, because it was this time last year that a decades-long friend and I had a falling out. It was a stupid misunderstanding that led her to say things no one can take back. And I lashed back, because I was not okay with those things.

We both apologized. I thought we’d both moved on. In the intervening months since then, though, it’s clear neither of us really has– she, because she offers no no responses to my resuscitation efforts, and me, because I’m writing this post.

The older I get, the rarer I realize true friendship is. The harder it is to hold onto, and the more impossible it is to find. And I’m not positive that’s a bad thing.

Humans change. We evolve. That’s kind of our schtick. And as life careens along, some doors close; other possibilities open. We choose how to fill that space, and with what. With whom. Not all friendships weather the chaos. Or maybe, the chaos reveals which friendships rest on solid foundations, and which weren’t rooted so deeply.

Not that any of this really helps. It still sucks that my friendship isn’t what I thought it was. It sucks finding out you were wrong about the lifetime thing, and instead it was a reason/season thing.

Like everything, though, a loss in one direction makes room for growth in another. If I can focus on that, maybe the rest becomes easier.

Maarit • 01/21/2014

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