Time to daydream
Not sure what’s in the air, but Dan & I both have been battling the hectic crazies. He’s been juggling overtime at work, helping a friend move into a new house, and working on a massive guidebook project with a different friend. And I also am slammed at work, plus some traveling up north for Miss G’s college orientation, then squeezing in time on this long-term art project I need done by summer, and of course all of this peppered in with a jillion interminably grownup have-to things like paying bills and planning dinners.
Last weekend, we looked at each other like “Oh hey. It’s you! How’ve you been?” Because even though we live together and eat together and sleep next to each other, we both felt like we hadn’t seen each other in about a month. This happens to every marriage at some point, I expect; real life is invasive and tends to interfere with relationships and connectivity if you’re not prioritizing those things.
So on that day, where by total fluke we both had some free time for about an hour before we had to run off in our respective opposite directions, we were sitting in the kitchen like two people who barely knew each other, not knowing what we should talk about or do next. Feeling awkward. And then Dan said, “What are you doing right now? Wanna shop for houses in Albuquerque?”
“That’s exactly what I want to do!” I said, and perched on his knee to browse Zillow together at the kitchen table.
Immediately the weirdness brought on by not spending enough time together over the last several weeks dissipated. We’re not even moving to ABQ for another 18 months, but looking at houses together reminds both of us that that particular dream is still out there waiting for us. That even at our most disconnected, we share the same hopes for our future. That this year’s busyness is temporary, and all those things that feel like time-sucks right now are actually foundation stones for that future.
These daydreams that link us together, so easy to forget amid the day-to-day, are the most important to remember. Without them, we lose touch. We pull away. We grow in divergent directions.
Making time to daydream is critical, especially when you’re overwhelmed. Especially when normal daily life is placing such high demands on you that you’re struggling to keep your head above water. A too-stressed brain isn’t biologically capable of daydreaming, of what-iffing, of planning ahead. Yet you need to do all those things, or you’ll end up backed into a reality that’s not of your own making.
Slow down, even if it’s just a few minutes. Breathe deeply. Daydream, just for half a second before diving back in.
Your future will thank you for it.
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